trauma
There is something about trauma. It is talked about a lot in society now and the word can be misused and underwhelming. Someone can be easily be invalidated for having trauma due to the comparison of other people's trauma or the depth of pain and scarring someone has. This is not a competition, everyone's feelings, thoughts, and experiences are real to them and that is never something someone should take away or look down upon.
There is only so much someone can take before that person learns something new and takes that with them, even if what they learned is wrong, unhealthy, or unacceptable. Those who are susceptible to manipulation, being wronged, taken advantage of, or influenced by another are most at risk to developing unwarranted experiences that lead to repeated habits, repeated memories that bring about negative physical, mental anguish that develops into a disorder. Disorders.. they tell you that it is diagnosable after specific symptoms persist for a specific period of time. Trauma is just the effect of the experience that can be relived, remembered, and bring about symptoms.
This is how i perceive trauma. i've allowed myself to be taken advantage of many times and be hurt, only because i didn't know how to communicate proper boundaries and not understanding self-respect. It is difficult to understand how and what that may look like for you if you don't know where your limit is with people, especially if you are a people-pleaser. The line draws at if whatever you're doing is taking a toll on your health: physical, mental or psychological, emotional, even spiritually. Maybe, there has been times where you felt like you deserved this treatment, or didn't deserve good things. Maybe, you thought to yourself that others are right and that you have many issues and are the problem. Maybe, you just always hated yourself for whatever reason and no one understands why you're going about life the way you are. This is all just that demon in your head telling you this, tormenting you to feel more pain, it doesn't help.
Life gives us many expectations throughout society, culture, family, friends, teachers, whoever it is. There are always expectations and conforming to certain behaviors because of it. You are already told how to act, dress, how to go about your life because of everyone older, with more power, or control. It is not a fair world where our upbringings box us in and we feel that we are never enough. That's not true either. No one has taught us to live authentically to what we are capable of and maybe some people out there never got the praise for the good things they do growing up. It is rare to focus on the good things, sometimes, but we must practice it.
No matter what, love is the answer. To yourself, to others... spreading love is important even in the face of anything or everything horrible. Peace and love is all it takes to be free. i have learned this the hard way after being such a horrible person for most of my life. i believed i was horrible, others too and i too am a victim to my own words in this post but not anymore...